71 Corny Jokes: You Can't Help But Laugh At

by Maria J. Louder, Entertainment  Editor

Published in Entertainment on 20/10/2019

Sure, corny jokes may make us cringe, and roll our eyes at their cheesiness, but we love them none the less.

Although dads are notorious for telling cringe-inducing corny jokes, I'm going to attempt to make you laugh by sharing this incredibly cheesy collection of some of my favorite corny jokes.

Try not to laugh at these eye rolling corny jokes that are both stupid, and funny at the same time.

1. What do prisoners use to talk to one another? Cell phones.

2. A cheese factory exploded in France. All that was left was de Brie.

3. It doesn't matter if you're super kind; German kids are kinder.

4. Did you know about the kidnapping at kindergarten? She woke up.

5. Son: Where are my sunglasses? Dad: I don't know...where are my dad glasses?

6. You shouldn't kiss anyone on January 1st because it's only the first date.

7. Where did you learn how to make ice cream? At sundae school.

8. Have you heard that there's a new restaurant on the moon? It has great food, but zero atmosphere.

9. Dogs can't do MRI scans, but catscan.

10. What do you call a cake that was made by a prostitute? Hoe-made.

11. What do you call a horse that likes to moves around all the time? Unstable.

12. What do you call a husk of rabbits that are walking backwards? A receding hare line.

13. Why are astronomers good at organizing a birthday party? Because they know how to planet.

14. Why do ghosts like taking the elevator? Because it lifts their spirit.

15. Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're dead.

16. What kind of tea does a martial arts trainer drink? Kara-tea.

17. Why didn't Cinderella make the high school soccer team? Because she was always running away from the ball.

18. What do you do if you want to make anti-freeze? You take away her jacket.

19. What do you hear when a nut sneezes? Cashew!

20. What's a fly with no wings called? A walk.

21. What did the toilet say to the one next to it? You look flushed today.

22. What's the longest word in the English language? "Smiles", because it has a mile between each's'.

23. What did the hat say to the one in the closet? Wait right here, I'll go on a head.

24. What did the egg say to the other eggs? Eggs-cuse me.

25. What did the janitor yell out as he jumped out from the closet? Supplies!

26. What's the best way to light up a football stadium? With a football match.

27. What's the name for a cheese that's not yours? Nacho Cheese.

28. What are 4 bullfighters in quicksand called? Quattro Sinko

29. A woman sees her husband trying to use the bathroom scale, and notices that he's sucking in his stomach. "You know it doesn't work that way, right?" she asks. "Well how else am I going to see the numbers?" he replies.

30. What is your house wearing? Address.

31. Why is it hard to play poker in Africa? Because there are a lot of cheetahs.

32. Why did the woman name her dog frost? Because frost bites.

33. Why is pirating addictive? Because once you lose your first hand, you get hooked.

34. What's cooler than a talking dog? A spelling bee.

35. What's the difference between an elephant and a lighter? The first one is very heavy, the second one is a little lighter.

36. What do you do when your boat gets sick? Take it to the doc.

37. Why were the students selling yeast? They needed to raise some dough.

38. I told my girlfriend Ruth that I'm breaking up with her. Now I'm so Ruthless.

39. Why don't pirates ever take a bath before they have to walk the plank? Because they'll wash up on shore anyways.

40. Why isn't the leopard good at playing hide & seek? Because he's always spotted.

41. Why do bananas need sunscreen? Because they peel.

42. What do you call a cow that just had a baby? DeCALFeinated or A New Moother

43. What kind of fish is made of only 2 sodium atoms? 2 Na

44. RIP boiled water. You will be mist.

45. I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

46. If you want a job in the moisturizer industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.

47. I hate perforated lines, they're tearable.

48. When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.

49. What do you call a can of soup that eats other cans of soup? A CANnibal.

50. So I came home from work yesterday to find that someone broke into my apartment. Looking around, it seemed like they didn't really take a whole lot. My TV was still there, my PS4, and my legos were fine. But the apartment was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps...I was delighted.

51. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

52. The rotation of earth really makes my day.

53. Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I'm still working on it.

54. You heard the rumor going around about butter? Nevermind, I shouldn't spread it.

55. What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 Cent ft. Nickelback

56. What time is it? I don’t know. It keeps changing.

57. I used to have a job at the calendar factory, but they fired me because I took a couple of days off.

58. When is the best time to see your dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

59. What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe? Kilometry Cyprus.

60. What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password? 1forest1

61. What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate clauses.

62. I have kleptomania. Sometimes when it gets really bad, I take something for it.

63. When is a goat hairy on the outside and on the inside at the same time? When standing on the barn's doorway.

64. If a child refuses to take a nap, is he resisting a rest?

65. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

66. Want to hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

67. What does a house wear? A dress.

68. A furniture store keeps calling me. But all I wanted was one night stand.

69. Want to hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism.

60. Why does Peter pan always fly? Because he neverlands!

61. My wife is on a tropical food diet, the house is full of the stuff. It's enough to make a mango crazy.

62. My wife told me I was average, I think she's mean.

63. Had seafood last night, now I'm eel.

64. I gave all my dead batteries away today... Free of charge.

65. Just quit my job at Starbucks because day after day it was the same old grind.

66. Went to the corner shop today... Bought four corners.

67. How do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream.

68. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

69. I'm thinking about getting a new haircut... I'm going to mullet over.

70. I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.

71. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.